Gotcha Day

Here he is!!! We are all doing well. The hotel room is dark and quiet right now as I write this and Nathan is taking his first nap with us.

Where do I begin to explain what I've felt these last few hours? Let me start by quoting from my journal entry earlier this morning before we went to get him and then I'll add a postscript.

"Nathan, here we come!"
November 29, 2010
So - after over 4 years of actively pursuing adoption, after years of longing, this is it!

Jesus, how can this be? How can this miracle be coming true? The roller coaster of emotions that I'm feeling is overwhelming. I am both celebrating and grieving.

The joy and anticipation of loving him is so sweet but the sadness over what he has not ever known in his 15 months of life AND over the trauma that today represents (strange faces, sounds, smells, etc.) for him is right there pressed up beside the joy.

And in all of my emotions, you are LORD. You're my Father who has adopted me and held me since I was in my mother's womb. You know Nathan just like you knew me. You know who he is, who is birth Mommy is, and You are why Keith and I are here."

I wrote these words after breakfast and spent some time meditating on Psalm 139:13-16. That passage is so amazing and will be marked in my heart as Nathan's "Gotcha Day" passage. God intimately knows him and intricately formed him in his mother's womb. And God is intricately weaving us into Nathan's story now. We, too, are to be a part of the story he has. Praise to you God for the knitting that you have done, are doing and will do!!!!

[Fast forward to the present (i.e., the post script)] So, that was this morning BEFORE we met him. Then all 16 families boarded our 2 buses and headed over to the room where we were to meet our children. What a surreal situation is was for all of us. My main emotion for the day so far is disbelief. I still can't believe that the baby boy in that crib in our room is really him.

We watched and took pictures as children started to come into the room. Ron and Laurie's son came pretty quickly and being a part of their first moments with John was amazing. I must have taken 50 or more pictures for them.

We waited (a common theme for us, hmm), watched, took pictures for others and waited some more. Actually, we were the last of all the families to get our baby. By the end I felt like I did when I had been a bridesmaid over and over and never a bride. I think it still didn't seem like we would get a baby. Everyone else would, but we would go home empty handed.

And then he came. When they handed him to us, he began to cry. I've cried tears about this transition for him and can completely understand why he was crying. But, after a few moments and some snacks, the tears subsided and he began to intently look all around him. You could almost see him trying to process all these strange new realities and take it all in.

We received a bag full of things like formula, new pictures of him, extra clothes and diapers from the PingDingShan orphanage. And I couldn't believe that they included all of the things we had sent him in his care package! Also, there was a dear little gift of a baby bracelet and necklace from one of his nannies who loved him. That will be a treasure, for sure.

There's much to still process, but one last highlight for me was just a few minutes ago when we were lying him down for his nap. I had wondered when I'd see his first smile and got a smile AND a precious giggle from him when I tickled his ribs. I think one of the things I'm most excited to see happen is for him to show us who he really is. It will be fun to see his personality come out.

Thanks Jesus for this day. Thanks for Nathan and his life. Thanks for intersecting our lives and for letting us belong to each other!